One way to understand the role of conflict in our lives is to describe it as our way of dealing with differences–religious, political, personal, familial, etc. In this view, how we deal with our differences makes all the difference. We have found in our work with many individuals, couples and groups that an effective way to explore our differences and achieve positive outcomes is to work from the “inside out.” This “inside out” approach includes four levels of reflection:

1. An examination of our own attitudes today toward issues of power and conflict, violence and peacemaking. The better we can understand our own interpretations of these realities the more proactive we can be in bringing about positive outcomes and the less we will be trapped in the vicious cycle of reacting to situations and people outside ourselves.

2. Another dimension of “inside out” thinking is to reflect on our family dynamic and what we learned about naming and working with conflicts from our earliest years. One meditation you might enter into is that of imagining yourself sitting at your family dinner table when you were ten or twelve. Recall for a moment the seat that was yours and who else gathered with you around the table. Who had a voice and power in that gathering, who struggled to be heard and how were conflicts dealt with when they arose? How powerful did you feel in that family circle and how confident were you that the conflicts could be handled in a positive way? Whatever your experience, it has an impact on how you approach dealing with differences today.

3. We believe that all of us have the capacity to grow so that our early experiences like that described earlier do not have to define us forever or, better said, while they still have influence we can modify them as adults. In this regard, consider what are your values and expectations about conflicts today. What helps you the most to discover or uncover positive outcomes and what gets in your way? Through “inside out” thinking, we all have opportunity to work toward maximizing positive outcomes and minimizing negative ones.

4. As we face various conflicts today it is critical to clarify our own attitude toward power and conflict. As a man or as a woman, how much is your attitude one of “we can make it work” or “we can find a win-win outcome” and how much is it “here we go again, I’m about to lose again or not have my needs or wishes considered in an outcome.” By reflecting “inside out,” we all have the opportunity to develop our capacity to achieve win-win outcomes and avoid or seriously diminish the likelihood of win-lose outcomes.

Mediators who have the job of helping parties achieve durable win-win agreements will be most effective when they adopt an “inside out” approach and encourage those they work with to do the same. In using this approach we all have the capacity and opportunity to be more effective in managing our differences and finding positive and life-giving outcomes.

John Reid, Senior Consultant, Mediator
The Reid Group

One thing that’s certain about the near future of almost any major institution: uncertainty will permeate the scene. While leaders will have many important decisions on their agendas, effective management will require helping both staff and clients to negotiate the transitions they will surely face.
 
Although experts offering counsel to leaders of organizations in transition abound, one we have found to be particularly helpful is William Bridges, author of Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change. Bridges notes that change is part of life, and rapid change is inherent in all organizations in the 21st century. But he makes an important distinction: Transitions are different from changes. 
 
Changes often are connected with events, such as the sale or merger of a business.  Transitions accompany changes, but they call for more than functional shifts. They require psychological reorientations.The figure to the right illustrates not only Bridges’ thinking about endings, times of grief and loss that throw us into a neutral zone, a “wilderness” from which we gradually emerge into a time of new beginnings, but also the work of the late J. Gordon Myers.
 
Bridges labels three phases in dealing with change as the transitional elements: the endings, the neutral zone and the new beginnings. Myers describes five areas that need attention in order to move from what is dying to what is struggling to be born. Myers dealt with corporate transitions in terms of remembering the past; articulating the present; grieving and letting go; knowing what is remaining the same or deepening; as well as engaging hopes and dreams for the future.
 
Coping with loss
Endings inevitably accompany change, whether on a large or a small scale. They become stressful when comfort levels are lost, when confidence is shaken, when co-workers leave, when people see no significant reason for the change and become confused, when a person’s or institution’s very identity is changed or questioned. The more radical the change, the more vulnerable people are to paralyzing stress.
 
On the change spectrum, people are wired differently to deal with change. Some are explorers looking for challenging transformations. “Bring it on” is their motto. At the other end of the spectrum are the settlers – “if it is not broke, don’t fix it” – who struggle with change in a big way. Most of us are somewhere in between:  we can cope effectively with organizational change, even welcome it, especially if we are involved at some level in creating and implementing the new beginnings that emerge from times of transition.
 
Surviving the wilderness
Our own experience as consultants walking through the wilderness in times of transition with health care leaders, and educational, religious or parish communities supports the wisdom of honoring Bridges’ three stages and Myers’ five actions. They are helpful in those in-between times, those times of struggling to let go of the past and give birth to the new.
 
It should be noted that the three stages and five actions often overlap. The order is less important than recognizing the stages and addressing needs. Remembering the past is critical to making it successfully through the wilderness. Again, to use health care as an example, remembering the bygone practice of doctors making house calls is a way of calling on the dedication of the past – a dedication that is needed today, even if house calls are not.

Recalling the past does not mean idealizing or romanticizing past practices or traditions. These need to be remembered for their challenges as well as for the values they represented. In some cases, the past needs to be remembered so that it will not be repeated. This is especially true if people were treated poorly, without dignity or respect or if they were oppressed and dealt with unjustly.

Maureen Gallagher, Senior Consultant
The Reid Group

Next month:  Leading Change:  Involve Your People

One of the exciting aspects of the mediation profession is the ongoing development of theory and practice in the arena of conflict management. Like many areas in the social sciences, mediation has benefitted greatly from modern breakthroughs in physics, geometry and evolutional biology.

We explored the contributions of brain science and the neurophysiology of conflict in the February 2011 edition of our Mediation e-letter. The field of evolutionary biology builds upon that work by seeing conflict as a complex self-organizing system for society. The work of Charles Darwin and Alfred Russell Wallace shows how species differentiation and the natural selection process is related to the balance between competition and collaboration as well as change and conservation.

The ability of a species to collaborate, change and adapt enhances survival rates. Therefore, one of the goals of the mediator is to assist the parties to work together, to work through the dynamics of change and transition and to be creative is seeking adaptations to the situation that will lessen or resolve the conflict and serve all those involved.

The field of physics has also made significant contributions to greater understanding of the dynamics involved in conflict through advancements in wave and particle theory. Ever since Einstein, scientists agree that our universe consists of both matter and energy which can be seen as simply different expressions of the same reality. Matter consists of energy vibrating very slowly; energy consists of matter vibrating very quickly. In other words, our world not only consists of particles of fixed matter, but also waves of invisible, vibrating energy. If we believe that every conflict has emotional, energetic and spiritual components, then we can use the wave metaphor to help tune into less adversarial or destructive frequencies and help parties engage in heart-centered conversations which create positive and collaborative energetic states.

Finally, the field of geometry has added to our current understanding of conflict management. Geometry is all about relationship and relationship is always a component of conflict—whether it be with ourselves, others, the past and/or future, or our physical world. By understanding the angle of our speed and position relative to others in a conflict or to the system or environment in which the conflict occurs, we can find clues into the meaning of the dispute and more easily locate the vector of resolution.

In these ways, nature provides us with useful metaphors to view hidden symmetries, forms and patterns in conflict behaviors. The sciences offer models to help us understand how and why we behave as we do when we are in conflict and are very helpful tools for the mediator in discovering more effective methods of conflict resolution and prevention.

Carol Guenther, Senior Consultant, Mediator
The Reid Group

Integration, both individual and organizational, is a critical dimension of personal leadership and institutional effectiveness. On the part of the individual person, recognizing and living out one’s calling can contribute significantly to this integration.

A genuine calling is characterized by “gladness”–that deep-seated feeling that comes from doing well what one does best, of operating at the peak of one’s potential. But calling is more than self-fulfillment. It also addresses the world’s pressing hungers. This is a matter of self-transcendence, of attending to the needs of others, of reaching out beyond oneself and contributing to the common good.

The convergence of personal potential and communal need signifies an authentic calling. Discerning one’s vocation consists in sifting and sorting, weighing and comparing one’s talents, interests, and passions and exploring the needs one is drawn to address. Sometimes the recognition, either of gladness or of hunger, can be immediate. At other times it takes patience and experimentation, false starts and failure, the input of others and the ability to listen. In every instance the goal is clarity. One simple set of questions, suggested by theologian Michael Himes, can help us recognize our calling in the midst of competing claims for our attention. “What am I passionate about? Am I good at it? Does anyone need it?”

Although a calling is personal and distinctly my own, it is not of myself, for myself or by myself. The call comes from beyond, is directed to the good of the community, and often can be realized only in the company of and with the support of others.

As an individual, realizing that I am called, striving to recognize my calling and allowing that call to organize and direct my energies can solidify my sense of purpose and meaning. Living out that calling allows me to align and integrate my values and my actions. For an institution, it can be extremely helpful to hire people whose own calling is in harmony with the organization’s mission. Paying attention to the notion of personal calling can assist the organization in hiring personnel who are a good fit. Supporting them in living out that call can benefit all involved.

Lucien Roy, Senior Consultant
The Reid Group

The organization has worked hard to articulate its mission, values, vision, goals and objectives. It knows its purpose, its core values, its vision and it has taken time to look at how it will make its mission operational and live into its vision. Action steps have been articulated so each objective has a game plan related to who will do what, by when. Yearly priorities have been established based on budget and staff resources. Everything looks like it is a GO! However, we know from experience many plans “sit on shelves” or die on the vine. How can we help that not happen in our case?

12 Steps to Success in Implementing a Well-thought-out Plan

1. Create an oversight committee to watch over the implementation.
2. Be sure the people who will be implementing the plan see themselves as a team and have both the “big picture” as well as the knowledge needed to expedite their particular aspect of the plan
3. Ensure regular communication between everyone working on the plan and those affected by the plan. Be sure to proclaim success stories.
4. Make certain that the implementation is a priority—not an add-on—for those charged with making the plan a reality.
5. Be ready to problem-solve, especially when unexpected issues arise, which happens even in the best of plans.
6. Encourage flexibility and adaptability to changing circumstances. Plans should not be seen as written in stone.
7. Identify success milestones and celebrate these as they occur. (No need to wait till everything is accomplished to celebrate success.)
8. Be sure roles are clear about who is doing what by when throughout the implementation process. Be willing to bring in needed experts to “re-energize the implementation process” if needed.
9. Check in regularly with team leaders to access progress and affirm good work.
10. Have a contingency plan for key aspects of the plan that may be pivotal for the success of the whole plan.
11. Implement and improve on the plan as it unfolds.
12. Regularly monitor the success of the plan and its desired effect on the organization.

Keeping implementation teams energized throughout the process is key to the project’s success. Knowing that there will be ebbs and flows, high points and low points in the implementation process is an important realization. Helping the teams recognize that the down times are normal, will alleviate discouragement and distractions that may drain needed energy. Finding ways to express appreciation for all that has been accomplished will go a long way in keeping teams energized and focused on the implementation journey.

Maureen Gallagher, Senior Consultant
The Reid Group

Fundraising is proclaiming what we believe in such a way that we offer other people an opportunity to participate with us in our vision and mission.
Fr. Henri Nouwen

The Reid Group approach to fundraising is donor-centered, respectful, relational, invitational and focused on results. Our approach is grounded in the belief that all we have received is gift and our responsibility is to share our gifts for the building up of the community.

In other words, we believe that there is a very important spiritual dimension to fundraising work. Working from that perspective, we focus on building relationships. We cultivate an interest in the potential donor as a person rather than simply looking at donors as $ signs. We invite donors to relate to their resources in a new way, to move from being a consumer to considering the positive impact a financial gift could have on the life of the community or organization.

In order to extend that invitation authentically, we have to truly believe that we are offering the donor a valuable opportunity. Many people approach fundraising with an apologetic attitude, feeling that it is selfish to be asking for one’s own needs to be met. For some it feels like “begging.” Worthwhile fundraising efforts offer to potential donors the opportunity to participate in a broader mission, values and vision. Donors are offered the opportunity to impact, save, and change lives to promote the common good.

We consider being a giving person an essential life value, and that there are graces that one receives from the act of giving. There is the grace of joy one experiences by seeing the good that results from the gift. There is the grace of personal fulfillment in realizing that we do not exist on this earth to serve ourselves. In these ways, the giver is enriched at least as much as the organization receiving the gift.

There are three critical spiritual resources for the faithful fundraiser:

• First is the gift of faith—faith in the value of the cause, and faith that the effort will be successful.
• Secondly, grounding the work in prayer—prayer to change our own mind and heart, and prayer to respectfully meet and engage the person with financial resources.
• Thirdly, the attitude of gratitude—gratitude for all the gifts that we have received and gratitude for the opportunity we have to share our gifts and to provide others with that same opportunity.

For some, fundraising is the least spiritual work they can think of. At The Reid Group we have found that, done well, it can be one of the most spiritually rewarding experiences both fundraisers and donors can have.

Tom Reid, Senior Consultant, Mediator, Coach
The Reid Group

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
Martin Luther King

I find it quite entertaining that mediation has finally made it to the world of television. The new USA Network television series Fairly Legal, centers on a female character, Kate Reed, who changes professions from lawyer to mediator. In the first hour of the series, she mediates three major conflicts in the matter of minutes with grace, wit and in high heels like any good super hero!

Although much of her technique is questionable and humorous, she has a central message that is clear. The law creates winners and losers. Mediation looks for the win-win in every conflict and pursues that goal until all can say yes. As Kate Reed will doubtlessly communicate through coming episodes, when we meet each other as fellow human beings, remaining curious and open to deeper understanding, we can respectfully negotiate a fair and equitable solution in the most difficult of situations. We can build bridges that lead to peace instead of walls that divide.

Peace is possible when you are willing to do the work of addressing the conflict. But most of us avoid conflict like the plague. Of the five distinct conflict modes described in the Thomas-Killman Conflict instrument, Avoiding is often the overwhelming natural preference for adults that we work with.

And why are peaceful interactions important to your organization, your life and your community? Here are three reasons to consider:

#1.  We live in an increasingly diverse world where an inability to deal well with differences can lead to conflict. Conflict is not good for teams or organizations and conflict unaddressed can lead to violence so easily and with such devastation. Just look at recent headlines for the proof.

#2.  Conflict creates the physical reaction of stress. When we are in situations where opinions vary, the stakes are high and decisions must be made, our stress hormones are on code red and systemic inflammation increases. If the conflict is habitual, you can develop multiple chronic inflammatory diseases. Conflict is not good for the body.

#3.  All successful organizations rely on loyal and satisfied staff and the respect of the communities they serve. We all want to be known as fair and generous citizens who can handle differences in productive and mutually acceptable ways. But sometimes we need help.

Mediation provides a neutral third party to facilitate the way forward. The mediator has the goal of creating greater peace amidst strife and of exploring possibilities for greater satisfaction in any situation. Mediation calls the best out of people through respectful conversation in the midst of difficult realities and often deep hurt and pain.

What makes mediation so powerful is that the parties involved are the decision makers. No law; no external force and no mediator determines the outcome. Those involved in the conflict find the way forward together. And each time we arrive at resolution or agreement, the world is a bit safer and more embedded in peace.

Our hope in The Reid Group is that through our lives and our work the world will know a little greater peace. We offer our support to you as you navigate the challenges to being a peacemaker in your home, work and world.

Carol Guenther
Senior Consultant, Mediator

When you think of the term “dispute resolution,” what comes to mind?

Many of us would assume that a lawyer is needed to resolve a dispute that the parties can’t resolve on their own.  Yet we also know that it can be a very expensive process and one not guaranteed to get us what we want.

We’re predisposed in this country to consult an attorney when a dispute arises, perhaps because of the history and tradition of the profession. A lawyer will represent a client on one side of the dispute and engage the other side in an adversarial process that results in success for only one of the disputants, if that.

Many people, if not most, are inclined to avoid issues that involve strong emotions, and that includes conflict situations. When that aversion is coupled with a reluctance to incur the expense of a lawyer, many people are at a loss for a way to move forward.

Mediation is an answer to that quandary, offering another option for resolving disputes.  A mediator acts as a neutral third party working for a fair and equitable solution to the dispute itself, not as an advocate for one party or the other. A mediator/facilitator is one who asks and answers questions, sometimes acts as a referee, and helps the parties to work through their issues to achieve a win-win agreement.

The job of the mediator is not to achieve a “win” for one side or the other but to help the parties find solutions that each finds acceptable. To do this, an effective mediator will:

Create a safe environment. Everyone involved in the mediation needs to feel able to speak without fear of judgment or recrimination.

Help all the parties find their voice. In any dispute, there is often one party that dominates the discussion, shutting out other voices. The mediator/facilitator will restore balance to the discussion by laying the ground rules for respectful and constructive conversation.

Encourage the parties to engage each other from the perspective of “interest” rather than “position.” It is one thing to say, “It’s my position that you’re only entitled to 1/3 of the family business” and quite another to say, “It is my interest to receive my fair share of the business.” The “position” can be rigid and focused on winning. The “interest” is more open to discussion and alternative ways to achieve an outcome that is fair and equitable for both parties.

Hold the belief that engaging conflict constructively leads to superior problem-solving. Effective mediation doesn’t reach a solution that avoids conflict—it finds a way to use the conflict constructively to stimulate discussion and new ideas.

If you are experiencing a conflict that needs resolution and you don’t want an adversarial, expensive process, try mediation. Drop me an e-mail or give us a call at The Reid Group, 206-432-3565.  We’ll schedule a session for you to explain the process and answer your questions.

Tom Reid, Senior Consultant, Mediator
The Reid Group

The past two years have challenged many of us to pay attention in new ways to what matters most for our organizations.  For many, the challenges are more difficult to clearly identify and thus require new learning and ways of doing things.  And the challenges call us to new kinds of leadership.

The contributions of Ron Heifetz and his colleagues in the area of adaptive leadership offer leaders and organizations a practical and applied approach to leadership for improbable times.  At its core, adaptive leadership is about paying attention to and creating what matters most.  Sounds simple enough.  However, paying attention to what matters most isn’t as easy as it sounds.  In fact, it is a bold and radical leadership act because it most often challenges conventional assumptions about leadership.  Moreover, it is sure to expose vulnerabilities in the system and in those leading and influencing the system.

Adaptive leadership holds the development and exercise of leadership as an art and practice.  It is a systems view of leadership concerned with developing cultures of leadership within organizations.  Adaptive leadership is grounded in the belief that exercising the leadership required to change (and thrive) means guiding people and organizations through adaptive challenges – the ones that question long held beliefs and that demand new ways of doing things.  Widespread leadership capacity, not authority, is often the key to whether or not an organization can close the gap between where it is and where it aspires to be.

Many assert that leadership is fundamentally about achieving results.  Yet the dynamic and unpredictable landscape facing organizations today suggests that achieving results, particularly on a mere quarter-to-quarter basis, is no longer enough.  Today, growing the capacity to thrive in any economic environment is the real work of leadership.  Those who can see and respond to adaptive challenges will be the organizations (and countries) that thrive in the future.

Adaptive Leadership operates on three core beliefs:

• Leadership can be learned.  It is about understanding, behaviors and actions.  It is not an inherent set of traits such as charisma.

• The adaptability of organizations depends on having widespread leadership that can come from anywhere within an organization, not just from those in top positions of authority.

• Because adaptive change generates resistance, exercising leadership can be both difficult and dangerous.

The focus of adaptive leadership is on:

• building ongoing capacity for change
• developing a shared understanding of what exercising leadership entails, which beliefs and behaviors are essential and which must change or be jettisoned
• support for smart risk-taking to build the capacity to adapt and create the desired future (choice v. circumstance)
• recognizing what the organization and its people must give up in order to move forward

Enhancing an organization’s collective capacity to pay attention to and create what matters most is work of adaptive leadership.  Adaptive leadership offers an approach to leadership that can embrace the complexity of systemic, adaptive work and enhance the practice of creating new realities.  It is an offer worth considering, especially when one may be leading with no more than a question in hand.

Steve Titus, Senior Consultant
The Reid Group

A critical challenge facing every organization today is choosing the right leaders for key positions. To find the right leader for each position requires a lot of hard work and a search process that yields three different kinds of “fit:”

• The fit between the candidate and the organization
• The fit between the candidate and the position
• The fit between the candidate and the work culture of the organization

To ensure a successful search, here are some tips:

Tip # 1: Establish a Search Committee made up of people with a variety of perspectives to evaluate the candidates. The Committee will be responsible for recommending a preferred candidate to the organization’s leadership, giving their reasons why this individual is the best person for the position.

Tip #2: Clarify expectations for the position. Include a clear statement of the qualities and qualifications as well as the major job responsibilities.

Tip #3: Present the organization’s story and its mission, values and history in a compelling and engaging way. Consider going beyond print to the use of other presentation resources such as video that can help candidates get a feel for the heart and soul of the organization and why someone would want to be join them.

Tip #4: Cast a wide net for potential candidates, both internally and externally. Use ads in appropriate publications and your organization’s social media and word of mouth networks as well as a direct invitation to internal candidates.

Tip #5: Assess the qualifications and “fit” of the candidates in light of the job description and desired qualifications and qualities stated earlier. Only those with all the required qualifications and most of the preferred qualifications should be considered as finalists for on-site interviews. Phone interviews of the strongest candidates and reference checks can help determine which candidates would be the most appropriate for on-site interviews.

Tip #6: Conduct on-site interviews that provide the opportunity for the candidates and the organization to mutually assess each other. Consider using behavioral interviewing where the principle is “the best predictor of future action is past behavior.” All interview questions are based on past performance rather than conjecture.

Tip #7: Develop an orientation process to help support the new leader in their first year and beyond.

The Reid Group helps organizations conduct successful searches for key leadership positions. For more information on our leadership search process, send us an e-mail at search@thereidgroup.biz , or go to our the Leadership Search section on our website.

John Reid, Senior Consultant
The Reid Group